Living in the shadows and the night, feasting on the beautiful innocents caught in the web. A feared carnivore and ambusher building in the night. Causing anxiety and panic to all who pass into the fine threads. It’s beautiful designs and purpose understood only by the few as strange themselves. Thinkers and builders and artists with open minds and ideas, having empathy and a path for understanding creatures living in the shadows. Creatures with their own beauty created by nature and it’s unforgiving will and blindness to the final products burden of judgement. Creatures with beauty, forever living in the shadows and feeding in the night under the disgust and fear of those ignorant beings of the day and the sun. Those beings in their prison of bigotry and comforts, relishing only in the beauty they know of themselves. The creatures and beings always separated by light and dark forever. Both in fear and contempt they exist among and apart forever. Just living and never knowing, each with their own selfish beauty.
strangers passing by on the trail
leaving signs on the trees and in the brush
making refugees of the wild
so much trash so much noise so much graffiti so much harm to trees and flowers
the ditches there and back are full of bones and death
invasive species of plants and insects
brought here by industrialized conservation and consumerism in tires and in lumber
every year some new allergies or itch for people and death by beetle for the trees
the intensity of the sun and erratic weather with climate change
every trace being left behind
just sick of the woods as society invades them every pleasant day and weekend
I didn’t watch or listen to Donald Trumps address to the Boy Scouts. I’ve heard his speeches enough to know that at this point he’s just on repeat pep rally mode. We’ve been hearing the same incoherent ramblings for nearly two years. The ramblings often reaffirm a culture war that has divided the country between progressive thinkers and fans of 1950’s television reruns. If you’re a boy scout chanting “USA USA”, you most likely have been listening to your segregationist grandpa in agreement over NASCAR and Natty Lite. That’s a grandpa culture that wants bathroom laws, thinks the “blacks” ruined pretty much everything, thinks the “gay agenda” could very possibly convince you to switch teams at some point, and that Obama wasn’t an American president but some African Muslim anti-Christ. This is the same culture that supported King George and manifest destiny and slavery and fought against unions with billy clubs. These backwards thinkers are a constant part of every society dating back to the creation of recorded history. They don’t represent the Boy Scouts, but they do see the Boy Scouts as an institution representing their America. Even the scouts are on board with social changes that promote equality and everyone belonging to one community as Americans. Of course there’s going to be the classic stereotype scout master of the 90’s that molest boys and wants prayer in school to promote their brand of Christian values. It might be the norm in the Boy Scouts to rally behind Trump or it might be regional as most politics and cultural boundaries are. It doesn’t really matter. That speech was directed at Trumps army of culture warriors that are his base and believe in the culture and the president more than America and democracy or civil rights. Progressives need to recognize that there is always that part of society that will see fascism or something like it attractive and supportive to their culture and beliefs. I just hope people continue to pay attention, don’t put themselves in a bubble, progress towards an acceptance of things grandpa says is an agenda, and vote. Trump and his goons clearly don’t understand how the constitution works. All we have to do to stave off any army of khaki-clad youths is let our voices be heard and vote. Plan ahead and research what it takes and vote. Don’t wait until October or November 2018. Don’t just post memes and comment on Facebook and then stay home when it matters. Be like the Boy Scouts and be prepared and do your duty to defend democracy from a culture that uses it to take it away from your culture.
I was watching a PBS special about the fish we eat and its benefits to our health and where it comes from and how it’s fished. It was very informative and scary. For example theres slavery involved in the shrimp industry. I’m no longer eating shrimp. American Salmon is caught by Americans and shipped to China where unregulated things go on and its shipped back with mystery ingredients. Im checking to make sure where my fish comes from for now on and exactly whats in it. The scariest thing I learned about was the amazing amount of shit that comes out of aquaculture farms. It’s literally leaving large dead areas in the sea. In Norway, Salmon and Trout farms produce more shit than the population of Norway. The shit just settles and kills all life and spreads disease and sea lice to the fish. Everything we produce for food, even the vegan gruel, produces large amounts of shit that ends up in aquifers, small streams, rivers, lakes, seas, and oceans. There’s just way too much shit in this overpopulated world. For me the shit is the worst thing. Peoples outdated septic tanks, dog shit, chicken shit, Salmon farm shit, hikers pooping too close to streams and not burying their shit. Its fucking disgusting and its making our planet sick. Millions of poor people around the world get sick and many die from so much in their environment. These poor people have to take antibiotics for being around shit so much that antibiotics aren’t working so well for Americans who pretend like they’re above the shit. Thats some serious shit people. Im nearing 300 words in a world that doesn’t read for shit. So just think on the shit your food produced.
You grew up poor and you’re going to die poor like generations before you. Capitalism was created by a man who believed compassion was a natural human feeling. The truth is people are cannibals, rapists, narcissists, predators, and status junkies. The truth is capitalism leaves room for advancement by only the most exceptional of people. The truth is you wont get anywhere with voting for old men from Vermont or protesting with your coworkers for higher wages. Rich people live in a bubble where all women can afford birth control and homeless vets begging for change are just bums. The rich think you have it good if you have a microwave and your heat hasn’t been turned off. The American people are sick and tired from working shit jobs for people spending twenty grand on sweet sixteen parties and buying new cars for their kid’s birthday parties. The American people can’t call in sick when they have the flu while a CEO spends his winter in Bali. The American people need to quit taking this shit. Our volunteer military is putting their lives on the line for bankers trade routes while their family is left behind in trailer parks and ghettos. Why are people so desperate for that sign on bonus and free community college in the richest country ever? If the American people want change they need to imitate the sons of liberty. We don’t have ships of tea to raid but we have Wal-Marts and McDonald’s everywhere. If people want their voices heard those are soft targets full of cheap shit. If that doesn’t help Google tar and feather and think of your asshole middle management boss. If people want to change their lives, gender battles is the wrong direction. Look to the fucking rich people you strangely idolize with reality shows and subsidise with your taxes and take them down.
What a distraction. A bubble. A waste of time. A source of social neglect. I spent way too much time on Facebook over the last two years. I made some friends that I never met and ruined a friendship or two with people I actually knew. It was good to follow the news. It was good until I read the comments of bozos and I foolishly engaged them in circular arguments. I spent hours playing a game with dragons? Why in the cuss did I ever get into that? I should have been talking to people in my area and creating real friendships. I should have been working out and cooking healthy food. I should have read a hundred books. I should have written on this blog and written my congressman. I should have hiked a thousand miles. I should have found a woman to be with. A woman who wasn’t obsessed with Facebook and handsome guys. I know I’m not supposed to regret and everything happens for a reason. All the bad things build character and help us grow stronger. Facebook made me weak and forgetful and unappreciative of what I have and who I am. I flirted with girls I’d never meet. I trolled racists whose minds I couldn’t change. I fed my anger and envy and depression as I scrolled and scrolled through pages of statuses I had nothing to do with. I laughed at some and learned a few things but mostly I judged. I in no way became a better stronger person or made the world a better place through Facebook. The only people I touched in a positive way already shared my views. Now I know. I can start back again and build my brain into a healthy muscle. I’m going to read more books and go on more hikes and go out and meet more people. I want to listen to people’s voices while we have drinks. I want to meet women and look into their eyes. No more Facebook for me!
My madness is mine to own. I nurture it and feed it and do nothing to push it away. I own it but I didn’t plant the seed for it. I dont cause the actions and words I use to feed it. I’m not owning this culture or this society or this nation or this history. The acts of love and hate aren’t mine. I wont own Mathew Shephard or Sandy Hook. I wont own Rosa Parks or a women’s march. I’m alone and seperate in this. I’m taking it in as fuel for a madness that makes me want to tear the heads off fascists and hug their victims. My madness is mine. My madness is my shield. My madness is my weapon. My madness is my inner conflict. My madness is seven billion people stepping over each other for life. My madness is in Harper Lee and The Clash and Rogue One. My madness is understanding your needs and your lies and your journey. My madness is mine as it overwhelms its self. There is so control or freedom. There is just everything flowing into eachother as it spins into a growing universe. That is my madness. It is all mine. My madness.
Until a few years ago I had no idea what transgender was or that it was even a thing. Growing up I just never heard the word, but once I did and knew what it meant I was completely okay with it. I was okay with it because it in no way hurts me or anyone else if a person was unfortunate enough to be born in a body they don’t identify with. If you can, try to imagine the confusion and conflict a person must feel growing up feeling like a woman in a man’s body or vice versa. Life is hard enough when everyone thinks of you as normal. To have this identity crisis as a kid and live amongst a culture that looks down on it and even hates it must be terrifying. People need to get over themselves and just try be nice to anyone having struggles they themselves don’t understand.
The only thing I don’t like about any of the LGBT or cis dialogue is that we have to have labels at all. I don’t want a label. There isn’t any one word that you can put on me to even start explaining who I am. Who I want to have sex with in no way defines me. My body in no way defines me. My actions and thoughts are always evolving and growing with my newly acquired knowledge. My past has made me who I am today but it doesn’t define me and shouldn’t have any label put on it. I’m just a human being trying to navigate through all the crap everyone else seems to be making up to complicate and divide us.
I would quite honestly just like to disappear into some endless forest to never be seen again. I was born into a century I don’t identify with though and therefore I feel like I must try to get along with people. I do like people but as a species we make these insane choices to hate and fear and oppress others that are different. It is a choice me make every time we meet somebody unlike us. I’m just a poor broken down socialist living in my grandmas old room and with all my problems why would I choose to hate somebody for being transgender? Why? What purpose would it serve to hate some dude for finding me attractive? I don’t choose to be offended or flattered or anything because it doesn’t matter to me and he can’t help it. I like a wide variety of women. My tastes vary quite a lot. That has offended people knowing that. They felt hurt that they weren’t my type. They weren’t happy that I was just into them no matter what and that to me is just a silly thing. I’m just wired in a way that makes me more comfortable with a person’s personality and not their hair color or eye color.
People need to be this way with everyone up until the point of who you decide you’re going to have consensual sex with. Outside of the bedroom or wherever you have sex, who we have sex with in no way defines us. I’ve been judged by so called friends and even family for shit they really knew nothing about and was none of their business anyway. I’m a straight single male on the “normal” side of things and I get judged. I can’t imagine what a young gay man must go through. It’s a very brave thing coming out of the closet to a world full of mean spirited assholes.
All we should be doing for people is doing everything we can to make life easier for them. Build unisex bathrooms and educate people and be kind and listen. Is it really that crazy to just be nice and make the choice to be cool about things you can’t relate to? Think it over a bit.
On inauguration day 2017, Donald Trump’s presidency is being protested by tens of thousands of America’s diverse people across the country. Protesters are sad and angry and fearful. The protesters cause is unique to each individual as they march united against a president and the culture of hate and intolerance he represents. The protests are about lgbt rights and the environment and black lives matter and women’s health and freedom of speech and so many other causes.
I have attended three protests since the election and have seen people full of despair and fear and looking for solidarity in a like minded group. I have seen people full of love and hope who see this election as a sign to love more and speak out and fight for those they see threatened. One thing everybody brings is their voice in solidarity for all people.
Some people chant, braver ones give speeches, others carry signs, and many just lend their presence to show support quietly. They are all united in their beliefs of equality in that America is and should remain a safe place for all its unique people. Despair or hope aside that must remain a core principle.
This election and its results have filled me with sadness and anger and confusion. I’ve written about it and protested and most of the time I feel hopeless about my efforts. I know congress will ignore the will of the people like it did after Sandy Hook and Donald Trump will tweet about us being paid sad losers. I’m sad for all the people who feel afraid because conservatives look at them as lesser than. I’m angry that so many racists and bigots and bullies feel empowered to openly hurt people. I’m confused how such a relatable slogan as “black lives matter” is demonized and sexual assault has been normalized.
I also see hope and love in the protesters and that inspires me to be as positive as I can. I see young men and women march topless on a chilly January day to add more power to their voice. I see people who had protested in the 60’s and are still fighting for whats right. I see openly gay and transgender people defying hatred and telling their stories to the public. I see all these races and ethnic people walking together in support of one another.
I see local law enforcement lining the streets and smiling as peaceful protesters march by and give thank youse. You see all these different people marching together from all walks of life in an effort to support each other and you feel hope for the future. Its sad and it hurts knowing things will get tough for many Americans over the next four years. At the same time you have to fight for them anyway you can. You can’t stand by and watch and be silent. Give hope and empower others by speaking out and letting them know they’re not alone.
This country has long been a beacon of freedom to the world. We make horrible mistakes as American citizens and yet that reputation stands. Through slavery and internment camps and Jim Crow we fight and fight until justice is restored at any cost. Women fought to vote. Japanese citizens defied prejudice and fought fascism in Italy. Black people marched for civil rights and gays marched for pride. The American people fight for their and others freedom. None of us march alone in despair or hope. We are the collective good on the right side of history. Through this sadness we will unite and fight the next battle together. I’m not alone in this and neither are you! March on!